Silky smooth

It's been said that the only problem with public transport is that the public can use it. I catch the train to and from work every day and there are definitely times that the public make it... interesting. I like to think of riding on the train in the words of Forest Gump, "You never know what you're going to get." I have decided that riding on trains comes down to the age old optimist vs pessimist argument; is the train half full or half empty.

Owing to the fact that I am on the train every day, I see some interesting things. Some things make me laugh, others make me reflect. Yet others make me wonder about the world in which I live.

For those who have seen the show 'Cheers', you'll appreciate the analogy. For those who have never seen the show, please feel free to nod politely. For me, catching the train is like the theme song to Cheers. The difference is that everyone knows my face, not my name. Unless they followed me home, went through my garbage and stolen my mail. And let's be honest, I wouldn't put it past some of my fellow travellers.

I have decided that people are creatures of habit. Train users tend to have 'their own seats'. That is to say that people normally sit in the same carriage and in the same seat every day. For example, if I was to catch the 8:07am train and sit in the 3rd carriage, I could confidently and competently predict who would be getting on at each stop of my train ride. "Tattoo girl will get on at this stop". "Plaid shirt guy will get on here and sit near the door". And you do know that if you get on my train, I will give you a name. That being said, I do appreciate that others have named me. I imagine it would be something along the lines of 'Interesting without being a tool guy'.

A negative of this practice of getting on the same carriage and sitting in the same seat is that you become predictable. And there are those who would use this predictability against you. I like to sit in different carriages and in different seats. I do this to stay one step ahead of any terrorists who might be following me or tracking my movements. It's all part of being alert, not alarmed.

The positive of being predictable, and choosing the same carriage every day, is that your carriage becomes a surrogate family. When 'comb-over man' doesn't get on the normal train, at the normal time, everyone gets a bit worried. We all wonder if he was just running late or if something more sinister has happened. Of course we don't actually ask him when he next gets on the train, but I am sure he knows we were thinking of him.

Talking to people on the train is tricky at the best of times. As much as there is a family feel to the carriage, it's probably more of a dysfunctional family. It's like we have had Christmas together where one child has stolen another child's present and the parents of the first child have not reprimanded the child in a manner that appeases the parent of the second child. The problem then blows out when child two decides to exact revenge and punches child one. The parents of child one demand something be done, but Dad of child two says something like, "nice right hook son. He had it coming." By that time, it's all over. The turkey dinner is ruined, people swear they will not come next year and the grand parents are crying. You know what I mean. And that is how it feels in the train carriage family. We are together, and that is enough. We don't have to talk.

But the then you are sitting there, minding your own business, when someone decides to talk. The man who sat next to me began talking one day. The funny thing was he was not talking to me. He was muttering things under his breath. At first, I tried to casually look as though I was still filling in my Sudoku puzzle, whilst trying to listen to what he was saying. Then I understood what he said. "Silky smooth skin". He said it over and over again. At first, I admit, I was a bit freaked out by that proclamation. Then I reflected, and almost thanked him for the compliment. After all, I do try to take care of myself. I will admit that I was wary of a hand coming across to rest on my knee, but thankfully that never eventuated.

It was then that I decided that I needed to keep mixing up my carriage and seat arrangement. If not for the terrorists, for the crazy mumbling guys who wanted to get closer than I did. After all, that was only our first train ride together. And I'm not the kind of guy who goes there on the first train ride!